Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes – CBC television:
(Opps eh? A sort of update/correction!
This was aired on This Hour Has 22 Minutes, but it was not done by Rick Mercer, it was done by Colin Mochrie. Thanks to Dave King who in true techy tenacity for truth, tracked it down. Way to go Dave! Carry on.)
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I’d like to offer an apology to the
United States of America. We haven’t been getting along very well recently
and for that, I am truly sorry.
I’m sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn’t nice
of us to point it out. If it’s any consolation, the fact that he’s a moron
shouldn’t reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it’s not like
you actually elected him.
I’m sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than
you doesn’t give us the right to sell you lumber that’s cheaper and better
than your own.
It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you’d never do that.
I’m sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse
would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.
As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.
I’m sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note.
Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.
I’m sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you’re going up against
a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it
took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but
that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
I’m sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I notice
you’ve rebuilt it! It’s Very Nice.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I’m sorry that we’re constantly
apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a
thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you’re not upset over this.
We’ve seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
This is very funny, and is in classic mercer style, but he’s left the show, do you have source for the text?
Hey Bene I think you should see:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/mercer.php
-Peace
The reason you guys won gold is because the Great One threw a hissy fit.
(uh oh, I think I just started a flame war, only kidding).
Yeah, but since he is the great one, his hissy fit worked! Gold!!
Hehe, that’s very clever!
I guess I’m more patriotic than I thought…
Sorry Laura you completely lost me….
explain yourself!
I’ve seen this floating around the web for awhile now. The first place I saw it was at Jen & Tonic’s blog, though I can’t find it in her archives right now.
I have to admit this article annoys me a bit. I suppose that is its purpose, though.
I am a little tired of hearing America being criticized for taking so long to get involved in WWII and then, when we do something preemptive in a very similar situation, we are war-mongers.
Excuse me if I seem a bit touchy about this. It’s just that my nation is involved in a real war involving real casualties and smarmy little articles like this just seem to grate on my nerves these days.
It’s great that you guys have some nice beer and good hockey. The cheap wood is wonderful, too. I mean, we never would have made it if not for cheap Canadian lumber. But surely America has contributed something to the world, too.
And I don’t know if burning down the White House a couple of centuries ago really constitutes bragging rights, but if it makes you feel better about yourselves, I guess that is fine by me.
I didn’t vote for George Bush, but I do support him in this effort. The pro and con issues of this war have been hashed and rehashed all over the web and so I am not going to spout any more propaganda here. Just know that many Americans, myself included, don’t take this war lightly. We have decided to support it after a lot of soul searching and heartbreak. I pray to God that it ends soon.
Thanks again for the lumber.
It is annoying on some levels isn’t it?
Political humour smarts.
It’s one thing to joke, quite another for our elected politicans and diplomats to raise the heat of their rhetoric.
This audacious piece pokes at Canadians also.
It takes all the worn cliches and throws them at some weary and wary countries.
Thank you for speaking up Mark, there are times to laugh and times to weep. There is always time to pray, and I continue to stand with you.
Finding a balance at the best of times is difficult, and I sincerely apologize for annoying one of my favorite bloggers with this post. Blog on!
Geez, this war has almost robbed me of my sense of humor. I re-read the article and my comments and realized I overreacted. I’m so touchy these days. In my defense, I hadn’t had my morning Nutri-Grain bar yet when I read the piece.
This is the first time in my life where I find myself “supporting” a war, and I’m uncomfortable with the role. I was almost a Quaker minister at one time for Heaven’s sake! So I am hyper-sensitive to all of this.
I believe what I wrote, but I apologize for the tone. And for the record, I’ve never met a Canadian I didn’t like.
Ahhh, what a difference a Nutri-Grain bar makes!
Breakfast….shoot I forgot, have you got an extra Nutri-Grain we can share? I’ll make the coffee :^)
This piece disturbes me even though I think I understand the political context from which it comes. I have never been a patriotic person so my own feelings about this surprise me a bit. You know how ~you~ can speak ill about your family, but if someone else, God forbid, mocks one of your family, you want to defend them. This hits a sore spot, especially right now when things are so raw.
Hi Laura:
Yeah, I hear you. It hits a sore spot for this Canuck too.
Understanding context and feeling feelings aren’t always comfortable. Your family analogy is a good one.
It was aired in February and is making the email rounds now.
We have to have a sense of place…of geography…of belonging to the bigger picture, it is part of our humanity. I hope this didn’t make that sore spot too raw. :^(
That was really decent of you to come back and explain. Thanks.
Funny thing, I believe if I had seen it when it first aired, before the war began, I would have been saying ‘Go Canada!’ As it stands, there are a heck of a lot of Americans who aren’t real ‘proud to be an American’ right now.
No hard feelings.
If you want to see a video clip of the sketch, click on this link (RealOne Player required)
http://www.22minutes.com/realwrapper.php?target=apology_256.rm
By the way, this sketch was aired in February this year before the war started, if that makes any difference. But at least see it in the context of when it was written and performed. I think, with the war going on now with troops abroad, any jibe at the US is kind of taken to be sensitive. Just take it as it is, a piece of funny satire from a fake news show. We need some humor, now more than ever.
Thanks.
Quite a string.
Man… what is wrong with the world???
What’s the matter USA.. Can’t face the fact that we kicked your ass at your own game.
For crying out loud people, it is a piece of humor. It is funny for us because it is true, it is hurtful to others because it is true. Rather, not necessarily true, but with at least a few grains of truth in each statement.
In the world we live in now-days, it is largly a laugh or cry situation, forgive me for, when I find something to laugh about, laughing.
The joke about WWII and the Iraq situation is funny because back when it was obvious that Hitler was a madman, when he was in the process of invading other countries and committing genocide, it took the US until the last months of the war to step in – only after they themselves were attacked. However, it is sketchy as to whether Mr. Hussein (SP) ever had the weapons he was accused of having, and whether he had any involvement in IX/XI, yet the United States could hardly seem to contain their wrath. Yes, the former president of Iraq was a madman, but you must see the absurdity of the dichotomy.
Anyway, the article is just a humorous piece of satire. Take it for what it is. It’s not like Canada doesn’t get it’s fair share of poking fun at.