The only question I’d have about your ABC model is that singularizing a group (and to use my model - are you saying they are R?) doesn’t account for the wealth of wisdom, viewpoints and advantages of others. I don’t believe a P-V-R model is static in an individual or individuals. I think it can change in seconds. Do you think people are more complex than either/or? Blog on!

And for the record, triangling is when person A has a problem with person B but fails to work it out with person B. Instead… they go to person C and create a bigger chasm between them and person B. Person C distances themselves from person B. Your blogging audience is person C. If you’re pissed off at this person, that’s fine but don’t create a stink online. For those of us who know what’s going on, it’s irritating to watch.

And if you want to delete this comment, be my guest.

I’m not sure what assumptions you are making here.
Fighting isn’t what this post is about.
How is it not Christian to point out difficulties we face as believers in communicating?
And as for triangling, you’ve genuinely lost me.
If you would like to discuss this and help me understand where you are coming from, please email me. Blog on!

PS: Triangling is most often found in step-families, but can occur in other social situations if people chose.
One person unconsciously chooses the role of the Persecutor (”P”). S/He blames or criticizes the Victim (”V”) for something, causing the Rescuer (”R”) to defend the Victim. Roles can alternate.
Triangling occurs when the following comfort factors are not met: feeling respected, safe, and satisfied.
Thanks for your concern Jen, how does traingling apply to the point of this post?

I agree with them also.
Given the monastic experience, it was right and proper then that I was the individual removed from the community because of my disruptiveness.

I actually have no problem with that premise.
I sinned, and for that there are consequences.

Yep.

Assuming (big assumption) they read this, they can make their own choice about what they think, feel, want, do.
I have no expectations, it took time to let those go.
For some of us confronted with broken relationships, that’s what mediators are for.

I think it is apparent this type of correspondance isn’t a discussion, and yes; out of self-respect and other-respect I will limit what I say.
It is ‘real’ to the sender and that is something anybody who receives this type of correspondence has to come to terms with.

I posted this to help others as I have been helped.
Boundaries can be hard sometimes.
Ownership of our own feelings, sin, personality, attitudes etc. can be painful.
Letting go of our ‘rights’ is a daily struggle.
Accountability begins with self, God and with true friends that aren’t afraid to say look at your own emotions, attitudes and ideas and motives. What does God require of you?