Oh God, did I do enough?

Amazing the places on this earth that are sacred.
I’ve been here how many times?

St. Timmy’s.

I saw him about three weeks ago while he was on the job with his partner.
They parked the ambulance at the end of the drive and took a minute to say hi.

He looked so hollowed out. I knew as a friend knows he had something to say to me and it wasn’t good news. I didn’t even think, I just grabbed him by the lapels and tried to shake him.

He’s a former linebacker, he doesn’t shake easy.
Funny, he debriefs his fellow paramedics, and messes up his own life.
I think that’s a small part of why he is my friend.

I waited. He spilled his news, he’d be back when he was ready to talk about it.
He knocked on the door tonight and asked if I’d go for coffee.

Well, not ask exactly. We’re friends. He wants to go for coffee we go for coffee.
Drive through, park the car in the Tim Horton’s lot and dissect a life that took a wrong turn.

How many times have I been here over the years? A Tim Hortons coffee in my hands, on cold dark nights of February - of a soul?

Oh God, did I do enough?
He exhaled the pain slowly. He knows it can’t be spilled all at once. He knows the mess of his life isn’t cleaned up with a coffee, a debriefing, a knock on the door.

We wept.
Tred so carefully around the shards of his heart.
And joked about not having any kleenex.

For tonight it is enough.
God, here is my linebacker, first responder friend; so broke, so lost.
God, take care of the caretakers.
Come along side.

What amazing places on this earth are sacred.