Spoiler!!!! Spoiler!!! Don’t look Ethel!!!

If you are a Star Wars fan waiting for your chance to see Revenge of the Sith, opening May 19th - click over to another blog and don’t click on the provided link.

I lost interest in Star Wars around the 3rd movie, so I won’t be heading off to see the ‘final’ movie. The series took 28 years to get on screen, made George Lucas and Industrial Light & Magic mega forces. The Star Wars series made him a billion dollars. Industrial Light & Magic makes him a billion a year.

Millions of fans have followed this series. John Podhoretz gives his review in The Weekly Standard and doesn’t spare the sarcasm.

Lucas had more than a quarter of a century to figure out why Anakin Skywalker went bad. And here’s what he came up with: Anakin is afraid of losing his wife Padmé in childbirth. Padmé tries to reassure him: “I promise you I won’t die in childbirth,” she says, offering a touching expression of her faith in the range of health-care services that were available a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. That over-deliberate line of dialogue is typical of Revenge of the Sith, which joins its immediate predecessor Attack of the Clones on a very short list of films that deserve to compete for the Worst Script Ever Written.

“Hold me, Anakin!” Padmé tells her husband. “Hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo!”

No performer living or dead could pronounce the word “Naboo” without sounding like a moron, and Lucas matches that authorial infelicity with dozens of others. One of the movie’s villains is named “Dooku,” and it’s a pity that Lucas didn’t arrange for Dooku to visit Naboo, because that could have generated a truly memorable piece of dialogue, like “You should never have come to Naboo, Dooku!”

Most fans aren’t glued to the series because of the dialogue. Lucas hates script writing.

But there is a whole lot more to a script than just the dialogue. There are also small matters such as plot, motivation, and character development. How is it possible that Lucas could have satisfied himself with the notion that the destruction of the galactic democracy and the triumph of evil over good could all have sprung from a single lousy pregnancy? Granted, Mrs. Darth Vader wears some very fetching beaded outfits–plus, she’s a senator just like Hillary Clinton, only decades younger and way better looking. Even so, this is astoundingly thin gruel on which to hang six movies made over a period of 28 years

The movie reveals why Anikan Skywalker becomes Darth Vader.

Like all great villains, the Darth Vader we saw in the first Star Wars actually loved being a bad guy. He enjoyed being able to choke annoying underlings by pinching his thumb and forefinger together. He relished his swordfight with his old mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi. He didn’t even mind slicing his own son’s hand off (in the second film) just to prove a point.

But the Darth Vader we see at the end of Revenge of the Sith hasn’t been seduced. He’s been tricked. He’s not a villain. He’s a schmuck.

Fans won’t care. They’ll shell out for the ticket, because, well, they are fans.