Wendy Cooper has a great post up on being hurt, the role of feelings, forgiveness and penance in relationships.

She looks honestly at forgiveness and the harm that minimalizing does on the part of the offender.

As evangelicals we don’t have a good idea of what penance is. We speak of grace a lot and we love grace. Some people in my life have demanded grace but have ignored both that I have been badly hurt and also the one that is hurt is the one that decides what needs to be done to heal.

Trust is earned. Trust is something that is worked on by healthy adults.
Wendy avoids theological and psychological-speak, which makes her post all the more powerful.

When Paul says as much as possible be at peace with all men, I think he had people in his life he needed to distance himself from and set firm boundaries with.
Setting boundaries requires patience, meekness, clear communication and discipline. And I believe, hope. But I learn over and over not to lose sleep with false hope and false expectation, because part of maturity in relationships is giving up the need to have another person change. That has always the hardest part of healing and healthiness for me.
Hope is not cheap either.