You’ll have read that Bene D. isn’t feeling very grand. I’m a poor substitute I know, but working on the theory that something is better than nothing I thought I’d do a guest post or two until our regular host gets back some vim. And I’m going to do it without ever once mentioning my blog. Well, maybe just the once.

My thoughts are beginning to turn towards Advent and Christmas — all those services don’t plan themselves you know! I’ve been looking through stuff from previous years and thought I’d share this sketch I wrote for a carol service a couple of years ago. If you like it, you’re more than welcome to use it.My apologies to John Bell of the Iona Community, on whose idea this little piece is based. He has published two volumes of these dialogues between Jesus and Peter and if you can get hold of them they’re well worth having in your collection.

Peter: Hey Jesus!
Jesus: Yes Peter?

P: What starsign are you?

J: Starsign? Oh right — I’m a Capricorn.I didn’t know you believed all that nonsense…

P: I don’t. It’s just a bit of fun.Let’s see what it says for you. Here we are. Capricorn. “You know that you have difficult decisions to face. The right thing will not be the easy thing. Many friends will try to change your mind, but remember that you know more than they do”
(Pause)
Honestly, Jesus. Don’t they write some rubbish! Do you know, I don’t think I’ve ever met an astrologer.

J: Oh, I have. A long time ago. It was just after I was born actually, so of course I don’t remember it. Mum said that a group of them came visiting. She said they were nice people. Weird, but nice.

P: Hey Jesus, if you’re a Capricorn your birthday must be soon. I was forgetting - it’s next week, isn’t it?

J: That’s right.

P: What shall we get you?

J: What do you mean?

P: Me and the lads will want to buy you a pressie. It wouldn’t be right not to.

J: Don’t worry about it. Surprise me. I’ve had some pretty strange presents in my time.

P: I hope you’re not referring to the socks I got you last year.I didn’t know that you wouldn’t like purple and yellow stripes.

J: Peter, don’t be paranoid. I told you. The socks were fine. I wasn’t thinking about them. I was thinking about those astrologers I mentioned.

P: Why?

J: Well … when they came calling they brought presents with them. Not the usual baby things either.

P: Just as well. There are only so many sets of swaddling bands you can use.So what did they bring?

J: There was gold …

P: Wow! Nobody’s ever brought me any gold.

J: … and frankincense

P: The smelly stuff they use in the temple?Now that is strange. Bet your mum would have preferred some perfume for herself.

J: … And myrhh

P: That’s terrible! That’s not for babies.The women use that when they …. well, when … you know …

J: When they lay out a body? I know.

P: Your mum was right. They were weird. What did she say?

J: I think she understood. Anyway, she kept all of it. You know what mothers are like. I used to catch her looking at it all sometimes.

P: Do you know why they brought those things?

J: Well, a gift says a lot about what we think of a person, doesn’t it?The gifts they brought were a sort of prophecy … Gold for a king, incense for the worship of God … burial spices for a death.

P: I don’t understand.

J: I know, but stick around, laddie. You will.

P: I still don’t know what to get for your birthday. We could have a party.

J: A party would be grand! But don’t worry about a present.If I’ve got your friendship, that’s all I want.

P: But I can’t not buy you something … to mark the occasion, like.

J: You think being my friend is not enough. There’ll be a time very soon when you might wish that you were like those astrologers. dropping in with a present and then heading off back to Persia. A nice, safe distance.

P: Safe? Look, Jesus, all I want is to help you celebrate your birthday.

J: That’s all I want, too. Celebrate with me. You know I like a party. Presents can be fun. But you won’t forget that it’s my birthday, will you?

P: Strange question. How could we ever do that?!
(Pause)
Hey Jesus!

J: Yes Peter?

P: How about a nice pair of socks?

J: Yes, Peter.