You’ve been on my mind.
Thanks for coming back, your honesty and courage is humbling.
When I was dealing with my abuse as an adult (I confess I didn’t have the guts to confront my pain in my early 20’s) one of the verses that were stunningly God-breathed and profoundly healing for me was Romans 8:1. Part of the larger journey, and an unexpected relief on a long road.

I still struggle from time to time also, and that’s okay. The oddest things knock me back a bit and cause a bit of flooding. In my case I have to go to the cross and give Him old angers and the lack of empathy that is left in the landscape of my life.
He is always here, waiting, forgiving, loving, healing.
I think there are a lot of wounded soldiers in the church, just busy doing their job, reaching back, walking along side and not making loud noises. God bless them, and may He bless you.

“Shame is not what He does.”

Yeah.

I’m married now, and love every bit of it. I have been in counseling, under the direction of licensed Christian professionals, thankfully with no cost to me, (provided by my church), everyone who knows me, even the slightest, knows what I struggle with, and completly accept me. Thankfully I am in a community of believers who do not see any of this as strange, nor do they think I haven’t “prayed enough” or whatever. I have not felt any preasure to be “straight” except by my own conversations with God.

I know I am fully covered by his grace and mercy, when shame does creep in, I know I am only a small talk away from recieving His grace. Yes I still struggle, and at times it is overwelming, I don’t believe in “arriving” (though I know God can do anything), but I also do not seek to be fully arrived, this is a thorn in my side, yet it keeps me where God wants me, under his sovereignty, in his grace, and most of all, a servant that is loved.

All sin is equal, doesn’t matter what it is, and God covers all of it w/ the same grace and mercy. Shame is not what He does. We all have authority in Him, and we all have His stregnth in our weaknesses. He seeks a pure heart, not pure actions, license to sin? No. License for understanding unending grace? Yes.

We can fall, and He gives us the choice to return to Him, or lead our own lives, those moments are where people get all messed up, they forget His grace, and accept the shame of the enemy, the world, family, the church. None of it is God’s way, yet he must allow us to work through these things in order to live free, in truth, and understand our relationship to Him.

I could say much more, and I very much appreciate your writings, your viewpoints, and most of all your open-mind on the church, there’s a growing group of people that must be heard, otherwise the church will never reach anyone. Our society requires it.

Rape victims struggle terribly with guilt, males mostly but also females. The self-blame and shame if their bodies respond sexually to sexual stimulation is terrible, sexual abuse survivors driven to suicide because they blame themselves. It is not their fault!

I was also abused. Not sexually, so I can’t relate to your wounds. I have friends that have been sexually abused, it has been an honour to be given trust and an opportunity to learn about healing and to be their friend.

What I cannot understand, and have never understood is why anyone’s sexuality is such a volitile issue to some followers of Jesus Christ. I have GLBT friends that go to church, they are accepted for being ‘out’.

There are Catholic and Protestant churches in the area I live in where I’d be quite comfortable going with a GLBT friend.
If they wanted a Protestant congregation to join, I could point them to at least one. I’d have no trouble pointing them to a Catholic church either. Or the synagogue here. As far as I’m concerned, their membership is between them, the church they chose and God.
Mainstream, traditional protestant, there isn’t an evangelical community in the area I’d trust. Doesn’t mean there isn’t one, I just wouldn’t be comfortable recommending one.

What I will never do, what I could never do is recommend ‘reparative’ therapy for any friend, straight or gay; parent, child or sibling or friend.
It goes against everything I understand as a child of God, as an evangelical, as a human being. I have GLBT friends that are in therapy with credentialed therapists. Recommending a group like Exodus? Never. I would hope you are able to get reputable cognitive therapy, I didn’t look at your IP; I know in the US the cost is or can be prohibitive.

As you work through your faith with fear and trembling, may you go with God. And I pray you will be gentle with yourself and that faithful friends filled with the love and fierce mercy of God who accept you for all you are will walk beside you.

The conext of this scripture is pretty important, but the point is made:

Leviticus 26:39 Those of you who are left will waste away in the lands of their enemies because of their sins; also because of their fathers’ sins they will waste away.

40 ” ‘But if they will confess their sins and the sins of their fathers—their treachery against me and their hostility toward me, 41 which made me hostile toward them so that I sent them into the land of their enemies—then when their uncircumcised hearts are humbled and they pay for their sin, 42 I will remember my covenant with Jacob and my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land.

Hope.

Seems like it sucks that the sins of our family have an impact, yet, it makes sense too… quite the pandora’s box.