Arlington High Point Church and it’s principles – more on the Sinclair family

Yesterday I posted a story on a family in Texas whose son Cecil died. The Sinclair family made arrangements for a memorial service in the church his brother Jeff worked for. 
As arrangements were being finalized the church withdrew their offer for a memorial service obstensively because of minister Gary Simons and church offense of the memorial video the family put together. Paul Wagner:

First of all, let me start by stating that it was a member of the church who offered the use of their facility to us, on behalf of his brother who is/was a member of their congregation. I was introduced to this man as Cecil’s partner. To my knowledge, this person at least was fully aware that we were living openly as a couple. This same member of the church, when were later advised that we could not use the facilities, on his own, with money from his own pocket, not church coffers, went and procured another facility for the funeral. The church did not do so. At no time did a member of the church contact us to indicate that they had a problem with any part of the service we were planning. We never had contact with the minister or any of the administration.

I commented, and I commented strongly. I commented strongly because there is no indication this church leadership behaved in an appropriate way.
There is no justification for bigotry, lack of communication to a grieving family and bad policy.
None.
The public statements and behavior of the church leadership condemns the church leadership.
While explanations may clarify, and sides may get chosen, nuances and facts of the circumstances are coming to light.  

Paul Wagner has corrected an error I made. High Point Church did not offer to pay for another facility, I posted they had. I was wrong. He also corrected another error. I stated the church sent food. They did not. I was also wrong about church leadership involving themselves in this families grief.
They did not. Instead Gary Simona chose to speak his mind to a reporter without regard or sensitivity to facts.

I believe many people who attend High Point Church do not agree with the  lack of communication, theology and behavior Gary Simons and church leadership has shown. 
I think that 3500  5000 (?) church members are the only ones who can speak clearly to power, even as word of this sad and preventable event has gone around the world.
While this church has been publicly shamed by what Simons has said, and the actions of some members, to the members of High Point Church I can only say, own your own beliefs and behavior. 

This is a double loss and a cautionary story.
While media can bring events to a larger audience, and blogs can fill in details, only members of High Point Church can speak to their leaders, demand accountability and clarity of policy so what happened to the Sinclair family never has to happen again. Each church member can get on their knees before God and allow Him to examine their heart, get up and go do what the love of God bids them do. 

1) My post is here. 

The Dallas Morning News piece was written by Jeffrey Weiss, an experienced religion reporter.  Here is an interview with him. Read it. There is no excuse for labelling this member of the media as liberal, biased, uninformed or anti-Christian.
His piece was clear.
He gave the family, the church, and an expert ample room to speak. 
As with any loss and grieve there are never just sides.

2) The original article by Dallas Morning News reporter Jeffrey Weiss is here. 

Since I posted yesterday I have heard from some of the people intimately involved in the shunning.  Gordon, a friend of Cecil; AngelSong, who tipped the Dallas Morning News to what occurred; and Cecil’s partner Paul Wagner. As well there have been a couple of clarion and loving comments from US Christians; email telling me I was going to burn in hell, and a comment from John who believes Arlington High Point Church had a right and responsibility to condemn sin.

These voices deserve to be heard.
As a reporter I know no story put out is ever complete, the telling of events in people’s lives is not like a coin, it is more like a multi-faceted gem,  Our lives, our events and our interactions are complex, there is always a back story, the unheard voice. Listening is so important, far more important than keying in the facts and making deadlines.
I did a search yesterday looking for blogs from High Point Church, and for people who knew what had occurred. God bless them, some came to BDBO.
I went through every news outlet that picked up Weiss’ article.
I went through every blog that had posted yesterday. 
In all the blogs I looked at: identified Christian, none believers, observers, and military, I did not find anyone who believed that what Gary Simon and High Point Church did was appropriate.

Let those who where there speak. For Cecil. For themselves. 

Gordon, a friend of Cecil Howard Sinclair:

I  personally knew Cecil… he was a good and decent man, probably a better man than most of these self-righteous hypocrits who attempted to deny him the respect due any human being… even posthumously. To deface his memorial video and attempt to devalue the important things that Cecil believed in is an outrage and a travesty of everything good and tolerant and loving that Christ stood for.

The people of that ‘church’ should be embarassed and ashamed of their church’s now-ugly reputation.

Gordon, we now have information the video was not defaced. There was nothing on it that even the most ardent anti-GLBT person would need to have seen removed. Nothing. Cecil was so so much more than his sexual preference, and I am not impressed with High Point Church for attempting to paint his life and the circumstances of his family the way they did. I am sorry for your loss.

AngelSong, who chose to act instead of stay quietly on the sidelines:

As an avid reader and commentor on the blogs, I tipped the Dallas Morning News of this, which broke the story yesterday. Since then, a lot more details have come to light, including a comment on the DMN Religion Blog from Cecil’s family. I’m sure you won’t be all that surprised by Paul’s response, and I hope it gets at least as much coverage as did the church’s attempt at justification.

AngelSong gets it. Paul Wagner is as much family as Cecil’s parents and siblings. AngelSong, you have demonstrated so well that meekness has a steel backbone. Meekness is courage. 

Dave, shocked, grieving, a friend of Cecil Howard Sinclair left a comment asking for people to care for Cecil’s family at Of course I could be wrong. Principled.
John, who believes High Point Church made a righteous decision:

Why dont you quit bending the story. The video was not dehfaced by anyone. It is a video created by the church for the family that consisted of pictures that the family submitted to them. Without the church there would be no video. The church objected to CELEBRATING a lifestyle of sin. The church has a responsibility to stand for what is right. Yes even at the risk of offending some people. That is not hate that is the essense of love. When you are not afraid to reveal to people their wrong ways. Loving people is not a popularity contest. Its similiar to being a parent . most kids dont always think their parents are “loving” them when they are being corrected. But the truth is that the fact that a parent corrects and diciplines their child is the evidence of their love. That is the purpose of the church. So to demand that they compromise their principles just to make the gay (sinful) community happy …. well they might as well just close down the church because what purpose do they serve then.

John, we are talking about adults, not children, the church is not a parent, the church is a flawed interdependent body of believers. 
High Point Church is not subject to denominational policy. 
Under the laws of the US, church leadership has the right to make any rules it chooses for any reason leadership chooses.
Let Paul Wagner give you some facts.

On Tuesday morning, we gave the church a total of 83 various pictures of Cecil that were forwarded to us by various members of his family. Of those, not a single one showed a man hugging or kissing another man, nor were there any overtly homosexual references. Cecil’s sister Kathleen sat and worked with the two people preparing the video and went through all of the photos with them. There was only one photo which would be considered offensive, as it was a picture of him in his early 20s making a rude gesture at his best friend who was taking the photo. We removed it and never asked that it be included. It was just overlooked in the rush to get things done. These individuals went through all the other photos, which were pictures of family gatherings, birthday parties, vacations, etc. At no time was anything expressed to her or us that they had a disagreement with any of the other photos.

Someone is lying.
Cecil’s sister Kathleen?
The media crew at the church? Gary Simons? Paul Wagner?

I challenge you John to send High Point Church money to pay for the time and trouble you seem to think this church was caused.
Without the church there would have been no video. You are correct.
The church put together the video.

Since money and ownership seems to be an issue for you, be a man, step forward and pay Arlington High Point Church for their time and supplies and use of their video editing facility and staff. 

Then exercise your right to email Cecil’s mom and dad and tell them what failures they were at loving their son. Tell Jeff he had no right to ask his church to hold a service for his dead brother, and that his developmental problems are no excuse for his trust. Tell Kathleen Wright and Cecil’s niece they are fools to think people who claim to be God’s people are there to help in times of loss. Find the unknown Good Samaritan of High Point Church and tell him what his sin is for stepping forward and giving freely to those who were hurting. 
You have the right to tell High Point Church leadership they need to fire these two video editors for helping Cecil’s sister celebrate his life. Let Gary Simons know what a great leader he is for standing up to ‘sin’ and sticking up for his ‘loving principles’ and protecting his leadership from being ‘taken back’.

But we can’t let facts get in the way can we, when we talk about sin?

On Wednesday evening about 6pm, we received a call. The person on the line put Cecil’s brother Lee, who is mentally impaired, onto the phone. Lee informed us that something was wrong, and then someone else got on the phone. That person informed us that a terrible string of errors was made, and that the service could no longer be held at their facility. We never spoke to the pastor nor anyone from his administration directly. It was all done through middlemen. When we requested to know why we could no longer use their facility, there was no answer. They simply stated a mistake was made.

Later that night, while we were scrambling to find another location, Cecil’s niece called back to the church and demanded an explanation. It was at that time a very long string of excuses began to form. First she was told that it was because we were bringing in outside food, which they didn’t allow. Then we were told it was because there was construction going on nearby which they felt would be too obtrusive. We said we didn’t think it would interfere. Then we were told it was because there was a scheduling conflict. When asked was other event was being held that was conflicting, the call was disconnected.

No one is arguing with you about rights John.
You are correct and I was wrong. Please accept my apology. 
The video was not defaced by anyone.
Someone forgot to tell Gary Simons none of Cecil’s mourners would be ‘taken back.’
Gary Simons never saw the video, did he?

“Some of those photos had very strong homosexual images of kissing and hugging,” he said. “My ministry associates were taken aback.”

The church also had the right to their confusion, errors, buck passing, back-peddling, cowardness, lies, and excuses to a grieving family.

Seems to me there is enough ‘sin’ to go around John, don’t you think? 
We aren’t getting the full story, we never will.
The family certainly didn’t.
But it’s okay now because Gary Simons has clarified church policy and his theological belief.
To the world.
Arlington High Point Church has the right not to hold memorial services for gay people because they are sinners.

Hopefully your reading this helps to make sense of what occurred. I fully understand the church’s right to deny us the use of their facilities. I also served in the military, (US Army, 1987-2002), and I have fought to defend their freedom of religion and freedom of choice. If just one couple or family can be saved from having to suffer the same as we did, I would consider all this to have been worthwhile. I truly believe all congregations need to have more open communication between all their members, so that the person who had initially welcomed us into their church would have known that is was not acceptable in the eyes of their leaders, and the entire issue would have been avoided. If we had known from the beginning we were not welcome, or the offer had never been made, we would have just continued making the same arrangements we finally had in the end. Nothing we did for Cecil’s remembrance ceremony was changed, other than the location.

Paul Wagner’s full statement has been posted at the Dallas Morning News blog and here at BDBO.
215 news outlets have picked up the story of the Sinclair family and Arlington High Point Church.
There are over 2 thousand blog posts now. 
Noise doesn’t make a story, people do.
The family and friends of Cecil Sinclair have told the world a truth – our lives are so much more than our sexuality. The family and friends of Cecil Sinclair have told us a truth -there are faithful followers of Jesus Christ who know how to listen to His Voice, and not brag to the right hand about what the left hand is doing.  Family and friends of Cecil Howard Sinclair have told us a truth – His love is bigger than any mega-church and never bound by our foolishness. 
Thank you for bearing witness.

To the Sinclair’s,Wrights, Paul and Cecil’s friends, thank you.
You have reminded us as followers of Jesus Christ to be faithful in the small things – to grieve with those who grieve, to serve each other in love, integrity and humility.   You have reminded us how great the gift of our lives are, and how we forget to celebrate with love and gratitude.
Thank you for showing us grace in your grief,  and thank you for your courage in taking such private sorrow and shunning public. Thank you for your truth. Thank you for reminding us no church structure, no policy, no leader, no lies, labels and rules can or will dehumanize someone who is loved.  Let those of us that have ears to hear, hear.

The remembrance we held for Cecil I felt was wonderful. We started with a brief welcome by the officiator. A song (For the Fallen) was sung. Cecil’s obituary was read. We then played the video which was about 10 minutes long, showing him from childhood, graduation, his naval service, and family gatherings, especially those from his 46th birthday, which had just been on the 5th of July. The officiator then read from personal family statements and remembrances of him. His mother, father, uncle and sister had all contributed personal insights into his life that they were not able to state themselves due to grief. A time was then allowed for individuals to come to the mike and offer their own personal remembrances of him. The chorale then sang another song (Amazing Grace).