Comments on: But I don’t have an oar in the water. If I had an oar, I wouldn’t use it. http://www.benedictionblogson.com/2008/05/06/but-i-dont-have-an-oar-in-the-water-if-i-had-an-oar-i-wouldnt-use-it/ Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:40:31 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Mary http://www.benedictionblogson.com/2008/05/06/but-i-dont-have-an-oar-in-the-water-if-i-had-an-oar-i-wouldnt-use-it/comment-page-1/#comment-108800 Mary Wed, 28 May 2008 01:21:35 +0000 http://www.benedictionblogson.com/?p=3844#comment-108800 Feeling empty myself. Caregiver of a 16 year old with profound developmental and physical disabilities. Replaying old material to get by. Hope no one notices and jumps my case because I will explode and no one will notice because I am empty. However, I know where to get help. I know how to fill up. I want to be empty for now. I want others to take over. I don't want to be able. Yes, I am selfish. But that is a survival tactic. When I am empty, no one bothers me. No one clings to me. No one asks me to save them. When I am empty, I am alone. I am still. I can hear my own heart beating again. I hear my heart beating, whether I want it to or not. It doesn't beat just for me. There is a reason it beats on. There is purpose to my life. There is great hope in purpose. There is great joy in hope. The joy fills me. I get back at it. And so it goes. Feeling empty myself. Caregiver of a 16 year old with profound developmental and physical disabilities. Replaying old material to get by. Hope no one notices and jumps my case because I will explode and no one will notice because I am empty.

However, I know where to get help. I know how to fill up. I want to be empty for now. I want others to take over. I don’t want to be able. Yes, I am selfish. But that is a survival tactic.

When I am empty, no one bothers me. No one clings to me. No one asks me to save them. When I am empty, I am alone. I am still. I can hear my own heart beating again.

I hear my heart beating, whether I want it to or not. It doesn’t beat just for me. There is a reason it beats on. There is purpose to my life. There is great hope in purpose. There is great joy in hope. The joy fills me. I get back at it. And so it goes.

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