I mentioned in my last post I had contacted Jim Crites, the gentlemen who posted The Survivor Fund Project announcement for Prairie Bible Institute on Facebook. For background on this particular announcement, see the post below. For further background on Prairie Bible Institute, just click the hyper-linked tag at the bottom which reads Posted in Prairie Bible Institute, or use the internal search engine on the right sidebar.
This is his response.
1) Who is administering the fund and when was it established?
The fund came about because a group of alumni proposed the idea to the Prairie leadership team in late November. It was approved in mid-December; the details were just worked out last week. The fund will be administered by a group of alumni who care about the hurting and wanted to find practical ways to help. It is by design an alumni-driven and alumni-administered plan. We are aware that some survivors will not feel comfortable sharing their stories to current Prairie staff members, so the hope is that a group which is at arm’s-length from Prairie will be seen as safer.
2) How was the fund set up? In other words what consultation process did you and your colleagues engage in? ie: who participated in the set up of this funding group? Faculty, administration, abuse survivors, administration, legal team, Centre Street staff, mental health professionals, etc?
We brainstormed the idea with a number of people, including alumni, former Prairie staff kids, abuse survivors, people in helping professions and ministries before proposing it to the PBI leadership. As to the legal question, the funds will be handled according to the requirements of Revenue Canada. We did not consult with Centre Street Church because they were not named as a 3rd party “listening” organization at the time; that took place after the fund was approved.
3) The announcement states that funds will be dispersed on a case by case basis for counselling, travel costs and other resources. In your consultation process what ‘other resources’ does your team anticipate funding? In other words what does ‘other resources’ mean to your project team?
We have so far suggested that ‘other resources’ could include books, DVDs, workshops, and seminars. However, this list is not set in stone, as we are prepared come up with other creative resources to help a survivor on his/her journey.
4) What did your team determine is the definition of abuse survivor? ie: what types of abuse fit your funding criteria for abused and injured?
The intent is to use the funds to help survivors of sexual and physical abuse, and physical abuse which could be considered severe enough to be a breach of Canadian law. Getting the strap in Grade 4, for example, would not likely qualify, even though we might concur that it was unfair punishment! The abuse must have been perpetrated in the context of Prairie life by someone connected to Prairie, such as a current staff member or current student.
5) The announcement states that interested parties applying for funding are to ‘share their stories’ with volunteer alumni, Dr. Mollering and the RCMP. What is the basis of the decision by your team for an applicant to share their story with PBI/Centre Street/RCMP/unknown alumni etc., if the funding is being distributed by PBI?
First, it’s important to be clear that the funding is not being distributed by PBI. PBI will give us access to the monies donated and we will submit expense receipts back to PBI for proper accounting and auditing purposes. PBI will not be given the identities of the survivors unless the survivor so chooses.
Secondly, the decision was made by the Prairie leadership to publicly name three primary options to whom abuse survivors could choose to tell their story. These three options were announced by Mark Maxwell in his December alumni newsletter, and included Centre Street Church, OR this alumni group with this email address, OR the RCMP. The Survivor fund announcement which I posted this week on Facebook simply repeated those options for anyone who might be unaware of them. Perhaps we could have worded this more clearly, but the intent was that survivors contact ONE of the 3 options, not all three! The only thing changed (added) by this week’s announcement on FB was the availability of funds.
b) What did your team determine were the necessary qualifications for the volunteer alumni who are to receive these stories?
The only qualifications are to love people, have a heart to help the wounded, and understand Prairie’s sub-culture. A number of us are abuse survivors, and I expect all of us have had to work through issues related to legalism (though we didn’t conduct a survey about that!). Our role is to simply listen to stories as fellow Prairie staff kids and alumni. It is not to provide professional therapy or legal advice, though we are likely to direct survivors to those resources as we listen to their stories. In short, this is really about relationship, much like we would offer to a friend in crisis. There are at least 20 people available to listen to stories, and from them, 2-3 people who will handle the distribution of funds. We have already had a number of people come to us and receive real hearing and understanding, and are moving forward in their healing journey. We are not into pat answers and the easy “forgive and forget” theology. And survivors are welcome to share their story even if they don’t happen to need funding.
c) How is an applicant to communicate with the alumni? ie: phone, email, face to face?
The best way is to start is by sending an email to this address. (prairiealums (at) gmail (dot) com. Once a relationship established, the parties involved are free to decide for themselves how they want to communicate. So far, we have used Facebook, Skype, email, telephone, and personal visits.
d) Who sees these applications/applicant in the vetting process? ie: Alumni/staff/Centre Street Church staff, legal team, etc?
There is no application process. If you want to talk, simply contact us. We will try to find out where you are in your healing journey, and then determine if some financial assistance would help you make additional progress. The conversations are confidential; it’s your story to tell, not ours. The Prairie leadership has made it very clear that they do not want to know the identification of survivors unless a survivor chooses to tell. This, of course, within the bounds of Canadian law as it relates to any current criminal activity.
e) Where is PBI posting the names and qualifications of staff/alumni/outside parties who are privy to the information (story) an applicant submits?
There is no intent on PBI’s part to post this information anywhere. It is confidential between the survivor and the listener who is walking with that survivor. Nor is this a highly-structured, officious program with lots of hoops. We are simply lay volunteers who want to help our fellow staff kids and alumni find healing
f) What information do you require from an applicant in their story? ie: Has your team compiled a list of questions for the applicant?
The intent is that this is an informal relationship, like supporting a hurting friend through a crisis. There are no requirements to talking; the survivor is free to tell their story as they wish. We have no list of questions, as we are not a counseling centre with intake forms. We are simply there to listen and care, and if people so desire, make recommendations for helpful resources.
6) Was Dr. Mollering (Centre Street Church) consulted as to the nature of the project process and the use of her name in the announcement?
We informed her via email on December 16th after PBI announced that Centre Street Church would be involved in listening to survivor stories. It was a simple “heads up” to the possibility that there could be some collaboration between CSC and this alumni group in helping survivors. Her name was listed in this week’s FB announcement as one of the options for survivors to choose from, in the same way that Mark Maxwell’s December alumni letter did.
7) Were the RCMP contacted and asked to provide survivors with your group information and announcement on this offer of financial assistance for survivors?
No, they weren’t. The intent of listing the RCMP was to reiterate the options available to survivors, not to connect them to the way the funds will be distributed. Hindsight is a wonderful thing…it appears that the way we worded the FB announcement inadvertently created some confusion in this regard! What we wanted to communicate is that 1) survivors had options, and 2) that some criteria are in place for survivors to receive funding, as expected by the donor base and within Revenue Canada’s guidelines. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused.
Thanks for your time, I look forward to your response.
You are very welcome. I hope this explanation was helpful, but if there are still some things we can clarify, please don’t hesitate to write again. We want it known that our greatest desire is for healing for the survivors and justice for those who caused the abuse. We are honored to be part of the solution whenever a survivor so chooses.
The Survivor Fund Project announcement:
Update: The Survivor Fund Project members have identified themselves as John Kepler (PHS ’71, PBC ’75), Jim Crites (PHS ’78, PBC ’82), Mim Carlson Phibbs (PHS ’59, PBC ’63), Brenda Boytim Morrison (PHS ’74, PBC ’78), and Priscilla Virts Johnson (PHS ’72).
Update: It was noted elsewhere online I did not highlight the education of the team. That is correct, I did not know their educational backgrounds. Jim Crites has a counselling degree (Masters) from Providence Seminary in Manitoba, and John Kepler received a Masters in Pastoral Counselling in the U.S. Another unnamed Survivor Fund Project member is completing a Masters in counselling.
LordB, methinks they took the extra bucks and ran and hid in the shadows. Can you think of any reason why a man’s father would not allow him to use his surname? This has been bothering me; most people have two names.
Someone with some power at PBI should pay attention to this instead of saying they’ll help people only recently abused….
Often victims are unable to come forward until after years of therapy and support, and the recovery phase is frequently preceded by decades of emotional turmoil, substance abuse, etc. A colleague here in Harrisburg revealed publicly for the first time that she was raped as a young girl at the age of 12. She is now a senior citizen. It took 66 years for this educated, dignified woman to find the strength to share her story and to encourage other victims to come forward.
She is not alone. People who are subjected to sexual abuse as children are a unique class of victim that requires an extended statute of limitations to allow them to come forward with their claims. Only by opening this window can we recognize their abuse and give them the respect they deserve as human beings and as U.S. citizens, allowing justice to take its course.
Henry Louis Mencken said, “If you want peace, then work for justice.” The elected officials of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania need to work together right now to give victims of child sex abuse an avenue to pursue their justice and finally have peace.
The pain and the shame — both for the victims and for these institutions — will not go away as long as the window remains closed tight, preventing the truth from coming to light and maintaining the current restrictive statute of limitations for child sexual abuse victims
It’s time to open the window. Anything less is justice denied.
Just FYI there is no statute of limitations on sexual abuse crimes in Canada.
Whatever happened to ‘I’m not scared of the truth’ Don? What did scare him off? Us wanting to know his surname?
I get so much enjoyment from these alumni that run into a room, blow a bunch of smoke, and then turn and run for the hills.
Line from an old folk song:
Jimmie crack corn and I don’t care,
My master’s gone awayyyyyyyy.
Hi Bene:
Your thorough clarification regarding the public comments from the school and their supporters is appreciated. Is it possible they do not have a clear picture of the magnitude of the problem? Some of the comments on this site claim the scope of abuse at the school is overwhelming. Has unambiguous information validating these claims been provided to Prairie?
Just the first question that came to my mind when reading this article:
Has there at least been a background check conducted on the alumni volunteers who have offered to help survivors?
Hi Corrie:
Of all the questions, that is the most astute and certainly deserves a response.
I’ve written Mr. Crites and asked if the Project team got background checks and if they did who carried them out.
Hey Donny…..been busy hunting down the truth??? Just haven’t had the time in your busy life to answer Linda?
come on big guy….afraid to let Linda and co. know your name?
Manhood at it’s best!
There is no financial accountability for the Project – think about this.
Alumni donate and
a) get a tax receipt
b) Project members say they are helping an abuse survivor and submit receipts to PBI
c) PBI has no way of knowing whether any of this activity took place or not, and no way of asking supposed abuse survivor who is supposedly not identified
d) PBI disperses funds to Project member with no checks or balances
So there are 20 Project members who can donate to the fund, get a tax receipt and take out from the fund by submitting receipts. Jim Crites can say: I helped person 12 and it cost me x dollars. PBI hands him money, no questions asked.
No one knows where these Project members are. So a Project member in Minneapolis can donate to the fund – say he is driving person 24 to therapy, submit receipts, and PBI pays him.
What checks and balances are in place?
The next question is why should anyone just believe what they are being told?
By what criteria does PBI use when saying people who have come to them have been healed?
Mark Maxwell: President PBI
“my wife Elaine and I have heard from several individuals in person, over the phone and by email.
…We were also humbled by the stories of incredible redemption and forgiveness, stories of injured people choosing blessing rather than bitterness. ”
What criteria is PBI using as a measurement to say people who came to them are healed, being healed…?
Jim Crites: PBI Survivor Fund Project
“…We have already had a number of people come to us and receive real hearing and understanding, and are moving forward in their healing journey.”
By what criteria is the PBI Survivor Fund Project measuring healing?
Doug Warkentin PBI Survivor Fund Project
“There are many who have come personally to me and to others I know and have been able to walk with them towards healing. It’s been wonderful to see and this is my heart’s desire.”
Wednesday at 10:22pm
By what criteria is the PBI Survivor Fund Project measuring healing?
Several. A number. Are many.
Where are these healed or healing abuse survivors?
None have spoken up online, none have reached out to other abuse survivors online, none have spoken in chapel at PBI, told their story in a PBI or alumni newsletter.
Who are they, if they are healed or healing because they contacted PBI, why are they not giving testimony?
And by what criteria do PBI representatives claim their healing for them?
Healing from abuse is measurable, it includes physical, psychological, spiritual and relational changes.
What healing measurements are PBI representatives claiming?
Why aren’t abuse survivors at least self-reporting?
Don had some things to ask under another post awhile back. However, I’m not going to summarize for him – he’s welcome to lay out his questions to Linda under this post.
This is off – topic, but relevant.
Mark Archibald graduated from PBI in 1976. He is being sentenced in an Alberta court in February for 3 counts of indecent assault against three boys when Archibald was a youth pastor in 1978-79. He was 23 at the time. A pre-sentence report is being prepared. There are three counts of gross indecency outstanding against Archibald.
Archibald resigned as CAO of The Lacombe Foundation in 2010.
http://tinyurl.com/6n98vhm
The question is rightfully being asked: Did Archibald suddenly become an abuser in 1978, or were offenses also committed against young people while he was at PBI?
via: H. Hamm
I think the question could be asked too…did he quit this behaviour in 79 or are there other victims out there?
Corrie Lavina Knight asked a question which deserves an answer to as wide an audience as possible – so I wrote Mr. Crites.
He got back to me tonight saying he’d had a busy week, and he wants to clarify a few other points, and will answer in the next few days.
The question was: Did the Survivor Fund Project team a) get background checks and/or b) who carried out the checks?
I’ll post his response when it’s available.
Jim Crites says that his team is not bonded, nor do they require background checks.
“What we are offering is simply friendship / moral support from fellow staff kids or alumni who have all journeyed through their own stories of recovery and want to help. So we are not bonded, and no – while some of us have had police checks for a variety of reasons, it’s not a requirement, anymore than we would expect you to get such checks in order that you could converse with some of these same survivors. We are people who want to care for others who are hurting. By way of example, let’s say that you find out that someone you know is going through a major crisis – they lost their job, they’re having a marriage breakdown, their husband is diagnosed with cancer, their son is killed in a car accident, they tell you they’re working through the devastating effects of child abuse. What do you do? What does any friend do? You take them for coffee. You listen. You go over. You phone. You listen. You have them over. You listen some more. You hug them. You tell them you care. Sometimes you cry when they do. You don’t go all preachy on them. You don’t give them pat answers. You listen some more. You keep on caring and loving them. Maybe you take them a meal. You just walk them through the crisis as a friend. They may need professional help, grief counseling, abuse counseling, or cancer survivor counseling from the hospital chaplain. You encourage them to go get that help too. You keep listening. You may find them books to read or a DVD to watch if they’re ready for that. And you just keep caring. These are simple and compassionate responses that all of us, including those of you reading this, are very familiar with, I’m sure.
OK, so it’s a little different in this case, cuz we’re probably dealing with long distance relationships here. We can’t have you over, take you for coffee, or bring you dinner. So we email, we Skype, we talk on the phone, we listen, we PM through FB – whatever.”
In regards to which abuse survivors qualify to be be-friended by the Survivor Fun Project team:
“…the perpetrator had to be on staff at the time of the abuse in order to qualify for funding. It was not intended to imply that the perp still has to be around PBI.”
Regarding qualifications for abuse survivors:
“There are no “qualifications” or hoops to jump through to have a listening ear, except you’re your story must be yours (not someone else’s) and should have taken place in the context of PBI life.
“Listening to your story does not mean we assume that your abuse is trite or that what we offer is all you need. We are just one piece of the healing puzzle. I think everyone who has abuse in their background should seek professional help.”
PBI is not paying the Survivor Fund Project team, other than the submission of expenses and Jim Crites is not the head of this project:
“We get no pay from PBI and do not report anything to anyone at PBI except for the submission of anonymous expense receipts.
“I’m not the head of this group. There isn’t really an official “leader”. We’re just a bunch of people who are connected through social networking and want to care in any way we can. Where required, we refer individuals to further help if they indicate that is the journey they want to embark on.”
Seems so pointless to me. Why does this group think that their listening is in any way helpful? I’m sure most people can find their own friends to listen. I still would like to see the institution held accountable. Jim Crites and his team seem like a smokescreen to hide the bigger issue. I am sure the institution of Prairie is very thankful for them. Silence however they get it is their end goal.
My personal opinion is that Project members have good intentions, and that’s basically it. So the waters have been muddied, (that can’t be argued) it’s unfortunate, and ill-advised, but not catastrophic. I don’t believe the Project team has the power or ability to be a hindrance to any goals, and enough information is now publicly available about this Project, that survivors and their families and supporters can make informed choices and avoid being patronized or silenced.
If any alumni on this team attempted to thwart goals, or unintentionally got in the way of larger group end goals (accountability, policy changes) that’s where the CRA can be asked step in and take a look at the money going back and forth. Media could be used to shine a light on this fund. If the good intentions of the Project team contributed to silencing, professional scrutiny would blow it wide open. If the Project good intentions interfered with any survivor receiving qualified/professional therapy, that would be a problem.
If PBI wants to partner with good intentions, that’s their choice, we haven’t heard professionals stepping up and endorsing this Project. I suspect we won’t either. Basic understanding of abuse issues is all that is required to see small picture/big picture flaws with good intentions. Good intentions interfering with survivors receiving qualified/professional therapy is a definite possibility.
Patronizing people by communicating they need paid friends and wanting to put them back on PBI soil to ‘reconcile’ won’t fly with most people.
Again, informed choice…
I suppose this Project is helpful to the Project team, hard to say. If it makes participating alumni feel better to ‘do something’, gets them their tax receipt and paid expenses, and the Project makes PBI feel they are getting good pr, then I think people can see it is what it is – a feel good project.
It’s too bad, it has muddied the waters, but good intentions are usually part of larger processes.
I would hope Centre Street Church, survivors and their families see this for what it is.
It’s also warm fuzzy pr for PBI admin and a way for the institution to remain in touch with and cultivate active financial donors.
Who knows, maybe someday the Project teams financial donations and good intentions can finance something that productively contributes to everyone.
Here is the PBI Survivor Fund Project update by Jim Crites, now being called the Healing Team.:
“Healing Team” Role
In December, Mark Maxwell, PBI’s President, sent out a Christmas letter to alumni referring to the recent events regarding abuse allegations at Prairie. He offered several options by which survivors could find help moving toward healing. These options are:
1. A group of alumni / former staff kids who are prepared to listen to survivor stories and provide support through their journey. Contact: prairiealums.healing ( at) gmail (dot) com.
2. Talk to an independent third party, Centre Street Church in Calgary, where counseling staff are prepared to listen and give professional advice on steps to move forward. Contact: Miriam.Mollering@cschurch.ca.
3. Talk to the RCMP. (Three Hills detachment).
The purpose of this document is to clarify the role of the alumni “healing team”.
SUMMARY
1. The alumni healing team came about because a group of alumni who care about the hurting wanted to find practical ways to help. We suggested to the Prairie leadership team that survivors who come forward may require some financial help with counseling, travel, and other resources such as abuse recovery workshops, reading materials and other media. The fund was approved by the PBI leadership, allowing donors to make a contribution and receive a tax receipt. It is by design an alumni-driven and alumni-administered plan. We are aware that some survivors will not feel comfortable sharing their stories to current Prairie staff members, so the hope is that a group which is at arm’s-length from Prairie will be seen as safer.
2. The team desired two outcomes.
a. Healing for survivors.
b. Justice for perpetrators, where possible
3. The roles of the team are:
a. Listen to stories of survivors, should survivors choose this avenue.
b. A group of 2-3 people within the larger group, responsible to distribute the funds.
DETAILS
1. The intent is to use the funds to help survivors of sexual and physical abuse which occurred in the context of Prairie life by someone connected to Prairie, such as a staff member or student.
2. The funding is not being distributed by PBI. PBI will give us access to the monies donated and we will submit expense receipts back to PBI for proper accounting and auditing purposes. PBI will not be given the identities of the survivors without the permission of the survivor.
3. The team is comprised of volunteers who love people, have a heart to help the wounded, and understand Prairie’s sub-culture. A number of us are abuse survivors. Our role is to simply listen to stories as fellow Prairie staff kids and alumni. It is not to provide counselling or legal advice, though we are likely to direct survivors to those resources as we listen to their stories. In short, this is really about relationship, much like we would offer to a friend in crisis. Survivors are welcome to share their story even if they don’t happen to need funding.
4. This is a voluntary service; team members receive no remuneration from PBI.
5. A survivor who chooses this avenue for help may contact us by sending an email to prairiealums.healing (at) gmai; (dot)com. We will match you with someone who will walk with you on your journey, most likely someone of the same gender. Once a relationship is established, the parties involved are free to decide for themselves how they want to communicate. So far, we have used Facebook, Skype, email, telephone, and personal visits.
6. All stories will be held in confidence; the Prairie leadership has not asked us to pass on the names of survivors, unless that survivor wants their name revealed.
7. We will submit expense receipts to the Accounting Department at Prairie. If a survivor is referred to a professional counselor or chartered psychologist, we will probably coordinate direct billing from the counselor.
8. Survivors need to tell their own story, not someone else’s.
9. We do not plan to coordinate our efforts with the leaders of any particular survivor groups. Let me explain why. There are several groups of survivors out there, connected in various ways. There are also individual abuse survivors connected to no group at all – more in this “category” than those who belong to an identified group. We have no intention of causing offense by that decision, nor is it a purposeful attempt to shun anyone. But we have chosen to offer our help to the broader community of abuse survivors. Some of us were connecting with survivors several years ago, long before the original “I was a Prairie staff kid” Facebook page was started last summer. As we are all volunteers with jobs and families and limited time, we are unable to coordinate this as an effort geared toward one specific group. In all we are doing related to survivors, we are also committed to not neglecting our spouses and children. In our care of others we will choose to remain healthy ourselves for the sake of others.
10. There may be survivors who want to tell their story to a staff member or power that be directly “at PBI.” We are not “at PBI” nor part of PBI. In that case, we would probably forward their email to someone at PBI and ask them to respond. How they do that would be up to them. On the other hand, if a survivor with whom we are walking decides that another step in the healing process is to contact PBI and wants our support, we’ll do our best to go with them, set up a conference call, or whatever is practical.
11. We cannot speak for Prairie’s administration as to how they are handling this situation or that of any individual survivor they may be aware of. That’s up to them and does not fall within the role we have decided to fulfill.
12. We are not interested in further debate with survivor groups about the merits of what we’re offering. We want to focus our time and energy walking with survivors who do choose to talk to us. We realize we’re probably strangers to some survivors, so if some people are not comfortable talking to us, they should feel free to choose a different avenue for healing. We are ordinary every day people just like yourselves. We don’t bite, so we would welcome your contact and will feel honored if you allow us to be part of your journey.
We hope this explanation explains our vision and role, and thank the PBI community for your support and encouragement. We value it very much!
I personally contacted the healing team, in part to find out what this process was all about and I exchanged emails with them. At no point did anyone ever identify themselves to me. Because of the lack of transparency of this group and their unwillingness to identify themselves, I am recommending to the survivors that I represent that they avoid contacting this group.
Trust is a huge issue for survivors and I simply am not comfortable sending survivors to a group of people that I know nothing about. It would be reckless of me to even suggest that this is a viable option for any survivor.
It was offensive to me that even when I made myself known to them in a couple of emails that I still received anonymous responses back. I have no idea if some of the people who responded to me were the same people who have bashed me on Facebook. Whoever they are, they certainly have no understanding of how to deal with abuse survivors. I am a strong survivor and I found the whole experience dealing with “phantom healing team members” to be extremely uncomfortable, unprofessional and frankly pretty creepy.
BD,
There is an article that may be helpful for the PBI healing team, written by a PBI alumnus, Sheryl Brown:
The article is “Tall Order From My Heart To Yours.”
Here is the text, pasted by permission of the author, Sheryl Brown:
““““““““““““““““““““““
A Tall Order – from my heart to yours..
Now here’s a tall order, and something I’ve been contemplating the last while..
Survivors of sexual abuse, or any violation for that matter, need the following:
- Survivors deserve to be fully heard without censure or hint of reproach..
- Survivors point blank need their perpetrators to be held accountable by and to the law of the land (and a higher moral law known by some as God, and by others as the Universe), and for their perpetrators to be held accountable to each and every one they have wounded and offended..
- Survivors desperately desire the cycle of abuse to end, to stop the abuse they are receiving, and to prevent new victims.. to keep our children safe..
- Survivors deeply long for safety, not only from future assaults, but also a place where they can take a breath, a place they can trust they will be heard, a community where they are each fully accepted as they are right now, where they are genuinely loved, and where they can feel belonging..
- Survivors absolutely must have experienced professionals to work with them through the past depraved craziness they endured..
Back up support friends are awesome, but the path to healing is not all sweetness and light. This is not a matter of falling into loving arms and weeping a time or two and all is well. It is much more like work in a burn unit. We are dealing with messy wounds which requires the task of draining infectious pus, coaxing new tissues to form and grow, and constant vigilance. It is a long and lifetime journey. The deeper and more infected the wounds and the longer the neglect before treatment, the higher the risk of re-infection and loss of life and limb.
Are you up for this? It’s a deep commitment to be a real friend in such situations. It takes establishing a foundation of true relationship, true friendship, and a pervasive non-judgmental attitude. It also takes good self care to prevent compassion fatigue and to continue to be consistent in your level of availability.
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If you would like the link, please let me know.
hugs,
Deborah
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Thanks so much for posting this, Deborah.
I wrote this from my perspective as a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who has seen plenty of sexual abuse survivors in my therapy practice, as well as during my work in Community Mental Health with those who suffer from chronic mental illness and high risk kids.
Sexual abuse can drive many people to despair, and sometimes even suicide. When survivors begin to speak of what happened to them, they can be at high risk for depression – and worse – if not set up in a good support system that includes professional help, as well as friends and family.
Defenses that may have kept them functional and somewhat safe for years may be let down in the process of speaking out.
For this reason, I would caution anyone on a lay team desiring to help with the healing process to really educate themselves on what they are getting themselves into. It is not a light commitment to make, once begun. And self-care is critical. This can be very draining work.
If you have not been successful in dialogue on the Survivors group on Facebook, ask yourself if a judgmental attitude on your part toward the survivor who is angry, and rightfully so (and may not use language you are used to), might further injure them by your well meaning, but untrained attempts. I do not say this to discourage anyone from offering a kind and loving listening ear, but to urge caution in what your agenda might be. It will be really important to have someone for you to consult with when you get in over your head.
Therapists have supervisors for some number of years, depending on their degree, and continue to consult with more experienced experts whenever they get into challenging situations.
Thank you for caring about survivors of sexual abuse, especially that which is complicated by having been perpetrated in a faith-based setting.
Feel free to add your comments here or on my website or Facebook Counseling page.. Thank you so much for your consideration..
http://sunraycounseling.blogspot.com/2012/01/tall-order-from-my-heart-to-yours.html
http://www.facebook.com/SunrayCounseling
Hi Deborah:
Thank you for this.
I believe it can be found here
Timely comment, given the threat to abuse survivors by Fred Whaples.
As mentioned in the update 03/02/12 The PBI Survivor Fund Project has announced the names of the team members.
Announcement from the “Healing Team”
to any and all Prairie Abuse Survivors
As we have previously announced on several forums, a small group of Prairie alumni have joined forces to offer our time, our compassion, and our friendship to help anyone who was sexually or physically abused during their time at Prairie.
We are not professionals, nor do we intend to take the place of either professional counselors or law enforcement. Realizing that many abuse survivors need someone who can offer them understanding, compassion, patience, confidentiality, and trust, we are simply here to be friends, and to try to walk with you on your journey from being a survivor to becoming an overcomer. We are all alumni of PBI, but none of us work at Prairie or speak for Prairie.
As a team, we may serve as the “first responders” to those who may wish to contact us. In some cases one of us may be able to personally walk with you. In other cases we may be able to partner you with another Prairie alumnus who either lives near to you, or who matches your individual needs, personality, interests, and gender.
We will not simply “assign” you to someone. Anyone who wishes to come to us will be able to choose whether they are comfortable with a suggested individual. We recognize that each survivor has special needs, hurts, and wounds that they are dealing with, and needs to take charge of their own healing process. Likewise we will not demand that you tell us your story or share your pain until you are ready to share it.
In short, we seek to provide you with a friend who is willing to walk with you, whether in person or by telephone, email, and instant messaging. Whether your journey includes going to the police, to the school, and/or to counseling, or whether you simply need a caring friend who understands the context of what you have experienced and will be there as you deal with your trauma, we offer ourselves to you. We don’t want you to have to walk your road alone.
Our team of first responders is made up of John Kepler (PHS ’71, PBC ’75), Jim Crites (PHS ’78, PBC ’82), Mim Carlson Phibbs (PHS ’59, PBC ’63), Brenda Boytim Morrison (PHS ’74, PBC ’78), and Priscilla Virts Johnson (PHS ’72). We may be contacted at prairiealums.healing@gmail.com or you can find us on Facebook and send us a private message.
Is it possible to get these folks credentials? Are any of them counselors? pastors? etc.? One of them that I know of has made hateful comments on line. One has been kind and wonderful on line. Who are they accountable to? If I contact them who else hears/knows my story? Did they volunteer or were they recruited? Why doesn’t Prairie make an official announcement and answer some of the very basic questions that lots of survivors would have? The whole “situation” with PBI has been handled so poorly and unprofessionally in my opinion.
ZMT – you have several valid questions, but who better to answer them than the team members themselves? Their names are above, all of them are members of the Facebook site linked below, and the site is open, meaning you can see each of the team members listed in the site and contact them with a private message. Optionally, you could email them with the email address provided.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2220955063/#!/groups/2220955063/
Thanks Gryphon that actually makes sense but I wouldn’t know which one to contact. I will consider your advice.
Hi ZMT:
I’m not going to advise you (I’ll leave that to Gryphon;^)
Things have clumsy and unprofessional and I suppose it depends on what you need.
The alumni are volunteers who will get paid for their expenses by alumni donations managed and distributed by PBI.
I’m calling them paid friends.
The Survivor Fund Project team aren’t accountable to anyone.
The Survivor Fund Project team members have publicly stated they will not share your story with anyone (they initially said they were going to)
The Survivor Fund Project team says they got talking among themselves about what they could do – I suppose they found and recruited each other. I don’t think PBI recruited any of them.
As you deliberate, I know you are aware you have another option and that is Dr. Miriam Mollering. It isn’t going to cost you a cent to get hold of her, ask some tough questions, including questions about the value and validity of The Survivor Fund Project.
Opps. That was back handed advice, wasn’t it?
Look for an announcement from PBI next week.
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OK. Now some of the FACTS are out. I have decided to stay quiet until now. The RCMP have laid ZERO charges as of June 20, 2012. Linda in the past has said that 80+ survivors, more are coming, 100, how many more Linda??, whatever the number is, yet more and more abuse survivors are coming forward according to Linda not long ago…..Interesting, not ONE charge is substantiated against Prairie??? Wow, talk about throwing 100 darts or more and seeing if even ONE will stick. Linda, you are an outright fraud. You know it and I know it. Everyone knows it. Sell your books making yet more false accusations.. Make money if you can, but you have NO INTEGRITY at all. You say now that abuse at PBI was historical, yet not long ago, you said PBI abuse was very current (within a few number of years). Care to elaborate and throw more darts and save face?? Linda, I wish I could send you to counselling, and let a professional determine why you love to accuse people before any proven facts are known. I challenge you to make a PUBLIC apology for all the inconsistencies to your fabrications against Prairie, which are totally supported by law enforcement. And please indicate why not even ONE of all the people you falsely accused have been convicted. You owe it to EVERYONE Linda. I wait to see if you have any shred of integrity left. I pity you, Linda. I hope you sleep well tonight knowing the vast majority of everything you have accused Prairie of is FALSE.
Oh, and I forgot Linda, now you are on record for your disappointment with the RCMP law enforcement investigation. Wow. You really are trying to save face Linda. Sorry….you are grasping at straws but your UNSUBSTANTIATED attacks are looking AWFULLY ridiculous. Hope book sales are going well. Keep up the allegations against an innocent someone who you want to character assassinate.. There is someone who will believe what you say and buy your books. I sure hope you have a good lawyer by the way….I would hire a few …..they would have a huge payday if they didn’t pity you so much….
Don:
You are shooting yourself in the foot.
Let’s break down some stats.
See 2009 stats on assault victims (physical/sexual)
http://www.nationmaster.com/country/ca-canada/cri-crime
Here is what is required by the Crown to proceed to trial in one type of assault case
http://www.sexassault.ca/evidence.htm
- They were mostly personal, family domestic complaints,” said Maxwell.
They were not forwarded to police, he said. (1980s-90s)
- Mark Maxwell said the school’s own review turned up a half-dozen claims of sexual abuse.
- “I’m certain that in 90 years, people were injured. It doesn’t seem to be rampant, but it is very probable. We don’t want to act like it didn’t happen.
- Police say no charges will be laid against current or former staff (ergo: current or former staff were investigated for criminal abuse)
- “It’s important for people to bear in mind that just because the RCMP says there’s no evidence does not mean that nothing happened. I’ve been talking with sexual abuse victims for 30 years after writing a major research paper on it in seminary,” Tim Callaway
Two known cases were taken to police after the year 2000. There was a conviction in one, charges not laid in the other because of delay in reporting.
80% of Cdns who are sexually assaulted do not report to law enforcement.
http://www.orcc.net/PDF/factsheets/Sexual-Assault-Statistics-FS.pdf
Here is the Department of Justice stats on Family Violence
http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/fv-vf/facts-info/sa-vc.html#widespread
In 2007 there were over 53 thousand police reported incidents of abuse.
Read that again. Police reported.
Of the 235 thousand+ cases of child abuse reported in 2007, 36% were substantiated 8% were suspected but were not able to be confirmed by available evidence.
PBI abuse survivors don’t have to prove anything to you or me.
The RCMP said re: the Fossen case: “it’s a historical assault 40-some years ago and there’s just no evidence to support charges being laid. That doesn’t mean that something didn’t happen, it’s just there’s no evidence to support the charges.”
Police and PBI confirmed about 16 adults came forward to report forms of abuse in a seven month period. Centre Street Church indicated ‘more’.
Tim Callaway states he has first hand accounts from 2 dozen PBI survivors.
The majority of PBI survivors were minors.
Children brave enough to speak up have to do so seven times before a responsible adult takes action.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm
http://netgrace.org/common-questions/
Want numbers?
10 (RCMP) 6, (Mark Maxwell), 24 (Callaway), “more’ – # unknown (Centre Street Church), “we have been privileged to have a number of abuse survivors come to us for help”# unknown, 1 verified (Survivor Fund Project/Healing Team, # unknown survivors on FB who did not go to authorities.
If these survivors over the 7 month period are the 20% who report…
Seems Ms. Fossen’s numbers are low.
What has Ms. Fossen accused Prairie of?
Just the facts Don, just the facts.
Don, I was molested by a person who had well learned his craft of molesting by the time he got to me. That was right after he spent five years at Prairie. I am not hanging my head in shame by any stretch of the imagination. I know what it is like to be there. It is not a figment of anyone’s imagination. It is real. I also learned when I went to Prairie that I was no longer fit to be a woman in ministry of any sort because of my abuse. My abuser also traveled all over the US and Canada on behalf of Prairie singing in the quartet and sleeping in peoples homes where there were children. I know that I am not the only one for a fact. How many others are out there? I don’t know….but I pray no one in your family is ruined by the acts of one person. It will bring upon you such great heartache and pain….you will no longer be silent about abuse…you will no longer hate those who stand up for the children.
Don, I was one of the numbers, while I was at Prairie, is this important to you? Linda has helped me to say I am ok, without her condemnation of me, of my actions due to my abuse, is that important to you?
I guess Linda should have kept her mouth shut, I could have kept wallowing in it all, is that important to you?
What is important to you?
Dear Bene:
This “Don” is worse than a turnip. Is there a way to gag him? thanks.
Jim Crites, do you have a soul, and are you human? Can you imagined getting abused at a young age? thanks.
If Don violates site policy I can give a play nice warning.
I’m curious to see if Don is able to go past us/them and lay out his case without hyperbole.
I suspect he is a drive by commenter more interested in venting than reason.
Just because Tim Callaway ‘says’ he knows of 24, doesn’t mean those 24 are sexual abuse. More likely they are different types. Sorry but I cannot believe that women would go to him and ‘tell’ them their stories… something doesn’t sound right with that one. IMHO.
Actually Wanda there have been several men and women that I know of who have gone to Tim Callaway and told him their stories of sexual abuse. Tim has been a godsend to the survivors. Tim has been helping victims of sexual abuse for thirty years now and is very gifted at it. I have on several occasions talked to him about things about my own abuse that I have struggled with and I found it so easy to talk to Tim. It is refreshing to be able to talk to a pastor who gets it and doesn’t get all religious on you when you need to vent. There are many in our group of survivors who have told Tim that even though they quit going to church, left their faith, etc. that they would go to his church. Tim is real good people!
Wanda…there were many make victims too…I will let you connect the dots.
That should have said MALE victims
Anyone who doesn’t believe that there were male victims of sexual abuse at PBI is either living under a rock somewhere or is in serious denial. Does the name Jerry Sandusky mean anything?
Ok Linda. And yes, I know there were males as well as females… that’s a no-brainer. Males are just as victimized as females, unfortunately. No one is safe in this world.
Just by way of explanation to Wanda – when I took my first church after seminary, I had just finished my work on sexual abuse in evangelical churches. The local newspaper sent over a reporter to interview the new preacher in town and somehow the topic of my research came up and she was particularly intrigued by it and mentioned it in the article. This was in northern Alberta in 1985 … my phone began to ring off the hook from readers with jaw-dropping stories to tell about their experience of abuse in religious environments … several communities in that area were well known for a particular religio-ethnic orientation … it was apparent to me that many people (mainly women) were eager to talk to somebody who had a studied awareness of the problem in religious circles, many had lived with their secrets/pain for decades, I eventually went to the church board to ask them “what am I supposed to do with this stuff and all these people?” Without wanting to over-spiritualize, my experience has been that if you can successfully establish the non-judgmental, gentle spirit of Jesus in dealing with people, what they will share with you will knock your sox off!
and with all due respect to “Don,” his/her comments regarding how the RCMP’s decision not to press charges with respect to the PBI matter should be interpreted reflects a common lack of understanding regarding realities within the Canadian judicial process; there are a myriad of possible reasons as to why the RCMP could have made that decision, none of which would necessarily substantiate the conclusion “see, nothing happened!”