Andrew left his independent fundamentalist church and headed out on his own to grow up and figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He was 20 years old. Andrew landed in Seattle, and on the recommendation of his brother, began attending Mark Driscolls church.
According to Andrew, joining Mars Hill was a good move for him. While he didn’t agree with every theological declaration that came out Mark Driscoll’s mouth, he loved his community, a devoted group of believers who seemed to love, support, and value him the way Jesus commanded. Over the next couple of years, Andrew became well connected. He volunteered. He became active in a community group. He even volunteered on Sundays as church security.
Toward the beginning of 2011, Andrew met and eventually began dating the daughter of a church elder at Mars Hill. The two fell in love quickly. Last fall, they were engaged to be married.
Andrew fooled around one night with a female friend from college. He and his friend did not have sex, but they came close. Andrews conscience took over, he apologized to his fellow student and went to tell his fiancee, who is the daughter of a church elder. She was devastated, and Andrew went to a Mars Hill small group friend and confessed. He was heartbroken and repentant.
What happened next was this churches concept of discipline run amok, legalism, control and authoritarian leadership crushing the work of the Holy Spirit in this young man’s life. The comments under Andrews story are piling up, as would be expected in any discussion of the neo-Calvinist and bombastic world of Mars Hill. His experience is not surprising to many familiar with this sub-culture.
There isn’t much talk about Andrew’s former fiancee.
As so often is the case with church drama like this, the following month was, for Andrew, filled up with meetings. A meeting with his old community group leader (he was forced to join a new community group). A meeting with his new community group leader. A meeting with his fiancée’s step-father. A meeting with his trusted friend who also happened to be the leader of his mens small group. So many meetings. And some of those meetings required second meetings.
Over the course of that month, Andrew also confessed more of his sexual baggage/history.
“I confessed to my mens small group leader–a close friend of mine–that my relationship with my fiancée was physical, too.”
That confession led to more meetings and more than enough long (and sometimes ridiculous) text message conversations with church leadership at Mars Hill.
“On several occasions, I was called a Wolf,” says Andrew, “which at Mars Hill, is like the worst thing you can be called.”
I ask him why.
“Because it means you’re a man who preys on innocent people–nothing more than a predator.”
According to Andrew, at Mars Hill, the cliche “it takes two to tango” isn’t true. Why? Because Pastor Mark teaches that women are “weaker vessels,” and therefore, when a girl and boy engage in consensual sexual activity, it is always assumed that it’s the man’s fault because he failed to lead the woman (or “weaker vessel”) toward righteousness. (And everybody knows that women can’t find righteousness unless a man leads her there. Ugh.)
As group leaders and a pastor made this story public to church members she is publicly named and shamed in the next discipline letter. No word on a disciple contract for her. She has chosen to stay at Mars Hill, she has dutifully chosen her default role as victim. Andrew is given ultimatums from those he turned to for help.
Plan of Discipline
- Andrew will attend XXX’s CG and meet with XXX on a regular basis (define)
- Andrew will not be involved in serving at MH
- Andrew will not pursue or date any woman inside or outside of MH
- Andrew will write out in detail his sexual and emotional attachment history with women and share it with XXX.
- Andrew will write out in detail the chronology of events and sexual/emotional sin with K and share it with XXX and Pastor X.
- Andrew will write out a list of all people he has sinned against during this time frame, either by sexual/emotional sin, lying or deceiving, share it with XXX and develop a plan to confess sin and ask for forgiveness
What happens next is an eye opener, as church members are told exactly how to ‘restore Andrew with Mars Hill ‘love’ toward a remorseful, repentant young man trying to find his way.
There is a post-script, from the brother who introduced Andrew to Mars Hill.
Over the last couple of days, I have followed – with something more than dispassionate interest – the conversations happening on this blog and around the blogosphere about the way Mars Hill handles church discipline and the ways that people find many of their actions indistinguishable from a cult. I’ve read story after story after story, in blog comments, on other blogs, and in e-mails, that all share a common refrain: this is my story, too. Every one of them breaks my heart. But the story Matthew recounted here means more to me than all the rest. Andrew is my brother. He first started going to Mark Driscoll’s church on my recommendation, years ago when I was first stepping outside of the fundamentalism we had grown up in and trying to find out what my faith would look like. I was attracted to Driscoll’s style that so closely resembled the preachers I heard growing up, only with more of an edge and more cussing, and it took several years for me to realize how small of a step I had taken outside of the fundamentalism of my childhood. Walking with Andrew through this now, I am haunted by the fact that, less than ten years ago, I almost certainly would have followed the pastors demands and broken off all contact with anyone they deemed unrepentant or unworthy of grace and love, with no questions asked.
That is why I decided to write this. – Stephen
Part one of Andrews story: Mark Driscoll’s church discipline contract: Looking for true repentance at Mars Hill church? Sign on the dotted line.
Part two of Andrews story: Mark Driscoll’s ‘gospel shame’: The truth about discipline, excommunication and cult-like control at Mars Hill
Update: Mars Hill responds with a brief statement and a chapter from one a Mark Driscoll book.
Frustrating. Troubling. Disconcerting. Sad. Frightening. I will freely admit that I underwent my own church discipline in 2000 at Overlake Christian Church and this story horrifyingly reminds me my own account, with much pain and trembling, even 12 years later. My heart BREAKS for Andrew. My flesh CRAWLS at reading this article. We are to be Jesus with skin on. We are to faithfully administer God’s GRACE in its various forms. Legalistic tarring and feathering of God’s chosen people, His royal priesthood, His holy nation, does NOT result in better community or better growth. It results in an impoverished church, a beleaguered sense of trust in God and the body of Christ, and cultivates a climate of fear-based worship where God’s children are walking on eggshells. I can only imagine what Andrew must feel right now. Andrew, I love you in Jesus’ Name. You are repentant, you have repented, and you are forgiven. I do not know you, I have never met you, but you are LOVED IN JESUS’ NAME. I am deeply proud of you for bringing your sin into the light, and for bringing Mars Hill’s leadership’s sin into the light as well. Knowing church discipline all too well, I can freely also admit that one sin that cost me my position of leadership, my community at the church, my connection to the body of Christ there, etc., also eventually lead to an even greater sin which cost me my freedom and sent me to prison. I do not blame my actions on the church or the leadership, but I will indefatigably say that there is an inexorable tie between the church discipline / excommunication I received from Overlake Christian Church, and my eventual crime. Do I wish I could take back my crime? Yes. But I also wish with all my heart that I could take back the church discipline I received, and replace it with something restorative like a warm hug. Alas, warm hugs are not mentioned in Scripture for those undergoing church discipline. And such a legalistic, grace-lacking approaches only send us further down the drain, with no hope of compassionate restoration. Wash your hands of us if you will, you beloved megachurches, and in the process so subsequently condemn yourselves as unloving, uncompassionate, and unbiblical. Jesus loves me the same that he does me, and that is my Amen, because truthfully I’d rather ALWAYS be the guy beating his chest, saying “God be merciful to me, a sinner” than be you.
After reading this article there appears to be other problems involved.
One – By forcing Andrew to take further steps other than genuine confession and repentance displays a sever lack of grace on the part of the leadership. It is understood that there is no an opportunity for him to take any leadership role at this time but the extensive actions he is taking is not a biblical one. He conceived the sin but did not act on it. The fact of his remorse is proof of the Holy Spirit conviction that others at the church may need to find. Repentance removes the direction of sin because a soul can change but the act of sin leaves behind devastation behind.
Two – This is personal commentary. His quote ex-fiancé sounds as if she has not the love of Christ. He made a mistake and realized it. I guess no others at Mars Hill has ever made any mistakes. Never knew a church to be so perfect. Perhaps they need a good lesson in forgiveness and a good dose of grace themselves. Pray for Andrew that he will find a church that has such grace. Let the Pharisees have their legalism. Amen.
I am so grateful for articles and blogs such as this dealing with the very serious issue of spiritual abuse and legalistic “church discipline”. How many are there out there who have gone through such a hideous stripping down and scourging like Andrew did, only in a more local venue? From my own personal experience and research, the victims of such abuse must surely number in the hundreds of thousands. It’s much more common than most people recognize.
The gentle and compassionate Jesus would never beat his sheep unmercifully like these people battered and chewed on Andrew.
John 8:
7So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
8And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
9And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
10When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
11She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.”
The scriptural account indicates the woman’s accusers were convicted by their consciences. I don’t see much of this in Mar’s Hill’s damage control statements.
Where so many witnesses have come forward, one has to recognize there is substance to Andrew’s story.
I seem to feel a growing sense of outrage rising up against the abuses being perpetrated in the very household of God.