I got a metaphorical sucker punch from a friend today and I’m not handling it well at all.
This is not a good way to start a long weekend. Awhile ago I made plans with a friend who was going to be in my area to get together.
No big deal, I thought I gave all the appropriate information, was looking forward to having a coffee.
When I did think about meeting up, it felt great.
I was looking forward to getting together.
 
They were here, they’ve left. And not a word. Nothing. 
I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut, nauseated, sick. Not good. Right away all the dark thoughts come and wrestling begins. I hate this.

I can’t read people’s minds, which is why I love the people in my life. They know I don’t have that ability, so when I mess up, they  let me know. And when they mess up, they extend me the courtesy of listening.  The air get’s cleared, we move on.
 I’m hurt. I don’t get hurt easy. I’ll huff and puff, but I get over most stuff fast. Hurt is quite another thing.
It never occurred to me in a million years my friend would just blow me off. Now I have to deal with that, and I’m not doing very well.

True to form, I let them know I’m hurt, not much else I can do at this stage. I know there may be a very important reason a cup of coffee was not possible. I’ll keep telling myself that. But even a reason isn’t go to walk me through this. I’m just going to have to walk through it.

The weather has been good, I hope my friends had a great time here, I read they did.
Purple is a royal colour, a respectful colour, noble, mysterious, a colour of esteem. Because I’m not feeling any of that right now, I’m not very good at being noble, and because plans falling by the side of the road is a bigger deal than l saw coming  - this is for my friend. 
Regardless of what explanation and reason may be forthcoming, I know I’m not ready to hear it.  A bell can’t be unrung.
While I work this through, I want my friend to know I chose to hold them in regard and esteem.
They don’t get another sucker punch, they know that, that decision is about self-perservation and holding all of us in regard and esteem.  
If we could have gotten together, they might have had an opportunity to see the garden during their visit. Pixels will have to do. 
“When I was a child, I thought as a child, when I became a man I put away childish things…” I’m trying.
I need to grieve awhile, the comments are closed.